2^nd. Selective memory is probably the mind’s way of dealing with the type of awfulness on which it doesn’t do to dwell, in cycling terms it seems to mean the only the best bits and very worst of the worst bits of a ride stay in the mind. Hence when Simon suggested a ride with “only one hill”, we tentatively agreed, the one hill in question being the Bilsdale mast access road. Gruelling, yes; lung-searingly sustained – yes but not impossibly so, as even exertion-phobic process operators like ourselves have demonstrated in the past. The day started pleasantly enough from Lordstones with the roller-coaster enjoyment of The Fronts to get the lungs working, followed by the track onto Cold Moor from Beak Hills Farm. The Cold Moor descent was mostly a shallow stream winding it’s way through rocks and ruts (mostly ruts to be honest) depositing us mad-spattered and grinning in Chop Gate. A brief pedal along the B1257 later we were plodding steadily upward toward the mast, a quick breather at the last cattle grid to gird our loins for the steep bit (whatever girds are) and we were off – in “One Hill” Simon’s case straight off, leg back over the crossbar and engaging pushing mode within a few metres, leaving it to the older generation to demonstrate the meaning of the word stamina. Some time later, we made our way across the moor to Arnesgill Ridge and much to Simon’s dismay another ascent had appeared on his one hill ride, followed by another across Carlton Bank, made more draggy by the damp, sandy surface. The blanks in Simon’s memory were slowly being filled in with every turn of the cranks. At least the last section down to the Lordstones, along the Gliding Club access track, is downhill.

4^th. Considering his infrequent appearances on Terra Trailblazers outings this year it’s probably inevitable that Captain Slow has become Captain Slower but almost three hours to do ten miles is a little tardy even by our regrettably low standards. To be fair to the Captain though, he was, at some points, only marginally behind someone over a quarter of a century his junior. Some riding did occur between waiting bouts though and very enjoyable it was too, if a bit muddy in parts. Kildale, Mill Bank Woods, Aireyholme Farm, Roseberry Common, Newton Moor, Guisborough Woods, Codhill Heights, then the rain which had been threatening for some time caught up, accompanying us all the way back to Kildale.

10^th Grim and grey; drab, dull and dismal; monotonous monochrome; how many alliterative phrases does it take to paint a picture of the conditions today? At least it wasn’t windy as we departed Square Corner in a steady drizzle and peddled along the Hawnby Road to Low Cote Farm. A steady uphill plod, some of it through the local hunt, brought us to Arnesgill Ridge, which we followed in marginally brighter conditions, to the junction of tracks at Stoney Wickes. Turning right we took the downhill to Raisdale Cottages, which turned out to be a rutted, muddy, rocky watercourse requiring skill, dexterity and exemplarily bike handling skills. So we pushed, skidded, fell off and walked down most of it. Tyres safely back on tarmac, a mile or so uphill brought us to the welcome warmth and sustenance of Lordstones café where we sought refreshment and solace from the elements. Alright it wasn’t really that bad by now but the scarcity of cars in the car park showed most normal people had found themselves something more sensible to do today. Reluctantly leaving the café, we continued, even more reluctantly, up the hill to Carlton Bank and past Brian’s Pond, returning to Stoney Wickes before plunging down to the Scugdale valley. Perhaps plunging is not precisely the right word to describe the XC Jeyboy, foot-dabbing, brake-grasping mincing which saw us to the bottom of the bridleway, in fact the only real plunging ensuing being Oz’s spectacular, why don’t I have a video camera when I need one, flight over the handlebars. Luckily a handily placed lump of earth broke his fall - and almost his spine – so it wasn’t too long before we could continue on our way. From Huthwaite Green, we picked up the Cleveland Way, following it up the steps in Clain Wood, to the road at Scarth Nick. A bit of tarmac work, past an eerily deserted Sheepwash, and we were soon crossing the dam at Cod Beck reservoir and battling the hill up through the woods on the permissive bridleway to High Lane. It was a bit of a battle too, greasy, covered in leaves and approaching twenty miles into the ride with only our puny process operator legs to pedal us upward. Inevitably it all seemed easy once we’d reached the top and all that remained was the tarmac back to Square Corner.

12^th What a difference 48 hours can make, meeting at an improbably sunny Square Corner, Chris and I set off toward Swainby Shooting House with blue skies overhead and only slight dampness underfoot, it’ll be a surprise to see anywhere dry this side of May. A barely controlled descent, slipping and sliding, through Clain Wood brought us muddied but undaunted to Scarth Nick, where we crossed the road and ascended Scarth Wood Moor to Beacon Hill, the weather remaining suspiciously pleasant. Descending again, we soon reached the café in Osmotherly for the all important sustenance. Our return was via Cod Beck reservoir, High Lane and Chequers, pleased to be returning relatively dry to the cars.

23^rd Eleven days since the last ride, the weather has been so crap we were forced to cancel last week’s riding, although it appears we got off lightly compared to Cumbria, which had the highest rainfall ever recorded. Today however, was almost reasonable, other than the gale force wind, although careful route planning (blind luck) meant it was at our backs most of the ride. A whole four us, Chris, Oz, Simon and myself, warmed ourselves up by powering up Carlton Bank and across the moor to Stoney Wickes, powering being a relative term ranging from a no dabs, middle ring ascent to a both feet firmly on the floor, stop for breath every three steps, trudge and all variations between. The wind definitely helped us along Barkers Ridge and all the way to the Bilsdale Mast, where we broke with protocol and rode down the access road for the first time ever, definitely more pleasurable than the opposite way. A bit of tarmac work took us to Chop Gate where a route planning meeting was called, naturally in Chris’s absence because we didn’t have a Tardis to go back in time and find him. Simon’s ludicrous idea of reversing the Cold Moor descent, the wet, muddy and steep Cold Moor descent, on foot if necessary, was given the consideration it deserved, just as Chris came tearing through the village at the speed of an advancing glacier. Discussion over, we continued on the road to Clay Bank summit and another wait for Captain Slow and his subordinate, Sergeant Sluggish to rejoin us. Offroad again, all that remained was a quick three and a half mile blast back along The Fronts to Lordstones, which turned out to be anything but a blast, a squelch might be a more accurate description. Three falls and no submissions later we reached Lordstones, older but no wiser.

26^th The Terra Trailblazers have got ourselves a new kid, another chemical industry shift worker willing to abandon wife and family in the pursuit of damp and muddy pleasures. Another Lordstones start which didn’t go quite as well as the previous one, the wind tricking us by being against us rather than pushing as along as it did last ride. Undaunted we ascended Carlton Bank again and made our way across the moor to Arnesgill Ridge before doing a U turn and following the bridleway back past Head House, all the way to the quaintly named Cock Howe. The highlight of the day was to be a descent of Trennet Bank, which we enjoyed greatly despite the drizzle which followed us to the bottom. Our new starter, Martin, proved to be no slouch on the downhill, showing some semblance of control as me and Oz slithered hopelessly to the bottom, although we all managed to avoid the putrefying sheep blocking the path at one point. Owing to time considerations, we chose the tarmac option for the remainder of the ride, returning from Chop Gate via the Raisdale Road.